The Lost Lands Frustrating Fetish Fantasy Story (The Butt Stuff Version)
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Written by Allison Eden
My name is Allison Eden, and I love going to festivals, taking lots of drugs, and having sex with cute strangers. Somehow, I am always able to remember everything that happens through all of it, no matter what I put in my body. It's both a blessing and a curse. This is a true story of a festival hookup nightmare that took place at Lost Lands. It is one of my personal favorites, and I am excited to tell the long version for the first time.
Only the names of people who perform disturbingly incriminating, obscene, or questionably legal acts have been changed to protect their indecency. If you haven't figured it out already, you can expect adult themed situations and language in this NSFW blog post.
Other stuff to expect in this story:
- Raver Romance
- Headbanging
- Cuddling
- Drug Use
- Anal Sex without Lube
- Headbanging
- Attempted Sex in Public
- Rejection
- Headbanging
- Sassiness
- Sluttiness
- Silliness
- Headbanging
- Promiscuity
- And Headbanging... This is Lost Lands, after all.
Raver Love is Pure Love
I tell people all the time that the love one raver has for another is the purest love there is. But I don't think people understand what that means until they actually feel it. Even if it only comes out in short-lived, yet highly-potents bursts of passion and intimacy, that doesn't make it any less special.
And if you know anything about me, or if you've read any of my other blog posts, my erotic polyamory romance book series, or my bestselling book Sexy Games (the 2025 Edition is out!) - then you already know that I am a woman who loves frequently and loves HARD.
The Set Up:
This is a story about one of such frequent and short-lived bursts of hard loving in which I try my hardest to live out a very specific fantasy of mine, fail gloriously and comically, then inadvertently end up fulfilling someone else's freaky fantasy.
It happened at Lost Lands, of all places. Even when you're Lost it's possible to find love. (Cheesy, right? Hey, Lost Lands, you can use that line on your shirts)
I met him when my group was setting up our camp. He came out of nowhere and offered assistance with putting up our tent.
For the purpose of this story, let's call him Little Foot, though he was anything but little. He was 6' 6" and build like a typical California surfer. Longish blond hair, lean muscles, big biceps, the works. Little Foot was cute in the 90210 sort of way.
The 12-year old version of myself would have swooned in his presence, but the 20-something, life-experienced, real me is not so easily swayed by a sun tan and some muscles.
I still remember the first thing I said to LF (Little Foot)
"Holy fuck, you're tall!" I blurted like an autistic toddler.
Not the most romantic way of starting a relationship, but I had already been hitting the space bag pretty hard.
He was Pretty Boy cute. It's not the cup of tea I normally drink, but he was mildly charming and obviously had a thing for me.
But best of all, he bought me lots of drinks! After the fourth $40 watered down vodka in a plastic Dixie cup, (Yay, festivals!) We were all dancing on one big group spread out across the main stage. My friends and his friends got along well, which is always cool.
It wasn't even sundown yet when one of my girl friends who I arrived with taps me on the shoulder. I spin around and see her with this oldee guy standing behind her groping her, moving his hands up and down her body to the music, and I remember thinking, Wait, does he think he's dancing?
My friend gives me and hug, then screams in my ear, "Hey, I'ma go fuck this guy!"
"Have fun!" I tell her, but before she walks away, I remember she is holding onto my drugs. But she's already walking away.
"Wait! My pills!" I yell to her and try cutting across people to get to my friend.
She hears me and turns around, "Dont worry, I'm on the pill!"
"No! MY pills!"
I'm still maybe 20 feet from her, but there is a lot of people hsadbanging between the two of us.
To this day, I still have no clue what she thought she heard me say, and when I asked her later, she doesn't remember either. But by all accounts, this is exactly what happened next.
My friend cups her hands to her mouth so she can yell to me over the music, but just before she started talking, there was a break in the music.
"What?!" She screamed. "I said I'm on the pill..."
And then, in the next moment, it seemed like all of Lost Lands got DEAD QUIET. The music stopped, then my friend SCREAMS at me...
"I DON'T USE CONDOMS!!!"
And eeeveryone on the main stage looks at her and starts laughing. Then she turns bright red, and not because of the alcohol. I felt SO BAD for her.
Then people start heckling her.
"I dont use condoms, either, baby!"
"There's no cure for herpes!"
'Yo, what's your insta?"
"Yous a fuckin hoe!"
I start looking around for the last person who said that so I can fight them. Me. 5' 2", 102 pound, sequin pink mini skirt, petite blond, Allison.
I get in the face of this guy who looks like the Centeal Casting version of a Mexican cartel gang member with tattoos covering half his face. I am gritting my teeth, but don't know what to do with my facial expression because I don't ever get angry like this.
I stand on my tippy toes and try to make myself as intimidating as possible.
"Apologize to my friend!"
Have you ever seen a chihuahua barking at a Doberman? But the Doberman just feels sorry for the tiny chihuahua?
And this guy who was the times my size had no idea what to do. He looked genuinely confused.
"I said APOLOGIZE!" I scream at him, menacing, but it comes out in my high and feminine voice. So he just starts laughing. Which makes me angrier.
Look, I live comfortably with a very specific range of emotions as roommates, and rage is NOT one of them. So when I started feebly pummeling this very menacing-looking guy with my very tiny and delicate fists, it HURT. I literally bruised my hands trying to punch this guy who stood there laughing at me like he was fucking Superman.
Thank God Little Foot appeared and pulled me off of him. If he had fought back, he would have flattened me into a sparkly pink pancake.
I am struggling against LF as he's dragging me away from all the people, then I point at the gang banger and scream like I'm foaming at the mouth.
"MEET ME IN THE FUCKING PIT, BRO!" I call him out like we're at a professional wrestling match.
Everyone starts laughing, which makes me more mad. Looking back, it was pretty fucking hilarious. It's not every day you get to see a tiny raver girl lose her shit.
"That's it, you're cut off." Little Foot tells me.
"No! I'll be good! I promise!" I plead with him, but I don't calm down until my girl friend appears.
"Ally, what's gotten into you?"
"I WAS DEFENDING YOUR HONOR!"
"Oh, my honor is long gone, babe. Here, take a chill pill."
She gives me back all the pills she was holding for me.
"Is that a good idea right now?" Little Foot asks as he watches me dry-swallow a couple pills.
At the same times, my friend and I says in unison, "Don't be such a pussy."
Isn't it great when you're in sync with your friends?
"Here."
I put another pill in my mouth and watch LF's face grimace at the thought of me swallowing another one. Then I grab his shirt and pull his face down to a kissable height so I and push a pill into his mouth with my tongue.
But instead of swallowing it, he tries to make out with me with the pill still in his mouth. So he tastes like bitter dirt and chemicals.
'You're supposed to swallow it, dummy!" I tell him.
"Man, if I had a dollar for every time I said that to a woman."
When it said that, it made me laugh so hard, I spit out the water I was drinking right in his face and all over his shirt.
"Oh my God, I'm so sorry!"
"Hey, you can squirt on me whenever the mood takes you."
"Shut up."
"So, does this mean I get to spray something all over your face and chest now?"
"We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
He took a pull from the hydropack to swallow the drugs I peer pressured him into taking.
"Sorry, I wasn't listening. You said said you want to come on the bridge? Lead the way."
I rolled my eyes and did my best ignore how our obvious attraction by doing what I do best when I'm sexually frustrated - hit the dancefloor.
I moved around the stage and LF followed like we were festie besties. So I started dancing with random guys to make him jealous.
I found this one guy who was not particularly attractive, but a really good dancer. The two of us were pretty in sync. Then, or of the corner of my eye, I see LF way on the other side of the stage with a circle of hot festival baes surrounding him. Not dancing, but it looked like he was telling them a story.
He looks up and sees me watching him, smiles and waves and me, then says something that makes all of the women around him laugh.
"Whatever. He's not that funny." I said aloud.
"What?" The guy I was dancing with asked.
I looked at him and was suddenly angry again.
"Fuck you." I said and stormed off.
"Wait, what did i do?"
Then I remember flirting with this really hot girl around my age. She was very handsy with me as we were talking and I was trying to get a vibe from her and find out if she was just being "festival friendly" or "feelin it" friendly.
As I was trying to figure out how I was going to ask her if she wanted to come back to my tent with me, some random guy walks up and puts his arms around her waist.
He was... what's a nice way of saying "a few leagues below her"?
He looks at me and says, "Hey, babe, who's your new friend?"
No, please don't let this be happening...
The woman I was flirting with for the last 30 minutes caresses my arm gently, which feels sooo good now that the pills are kicking in, then she says, "This is Ally. Ally, this is my husband."
No, please don't let this be happening...
"HI, Ally, it's nice to meet you."
Dude tried to shake my hand. I just looked at it, then looked at him, then here, then I asked,
"So, do you two, like, swing, or what?"
"What? Do we like swings? Is there a swing set here?" He asked, then started looking around for a swing set.
All I can think is, This fucking nerd..
"No, do you swing? Like, do you two party"
"What did you say? Party"
They both look confused. We were in the front of the stage, closest to the speakers, so it was difficult to hear.
Then my brain goes, let's just find out if we're wasting our time here or not.
So I yell over the music, "DO YOU TWO FUCK OTHER PEOPLE?!"
"What? No! We're married with kids!"
I wanted to scream at them, but instead I muttered, "Congrats," before storming off.
As I turn around, who should i bump into but Little Foot. His face lit up when he saw me.
"Hey! Let's go up front!" He said and took me by the hand.
It was then that I had given up prospecting others and made up my mind.
Tonight, I was going to fuck his brains out.
We were at the very front of the stage, headbanging against the guard rail. Little Foot was standing right behind me and I was rolling something fierce.
I can't remember who was playing for the life of me, i just remember the music was really fucking good. It was one of those sets where I was totally feeling every single song like it just for me.
From behind me, Little Foot said, "I want to headbang with you."
I said, "Okay, but I'm wearing underwear."
"Haha, what?"
Then I realized I totally misheard him.
"Oh, I thought you said you wanted to bang me. Sorry, I'm, like, really horny and rolling right now."
Am I a master in the subtle art of seduction, or what? If he didn't take the bait, I might as well have gone into retirement and become a nun.
"What do we do about your underwear?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
Before I even finished talking, Little Foot pulled up my skirt, grabbed my thong and pulled it down to my ankles. I promptly kicked them off and threw my g-string into the crowd of people dancing behind me.
Sorry, crowd of people. But goodbye underwear, and good riddance. You are no longer of any use to me.
But with that problem out of the way, another problem arose. Little Foot was way too tall to do the deed standing up. For him to bang me against the guard rail like I was trying to get him t I do, he would have to crouch down awkwardly, making it very obvious what we were up to in an elbow-to-elbow crowd of people.
But where they're is a will, they're is a way. And when I'm horny, I suddenly have this unbreakable determination. It's kind of my super power.
I turned around, unzipped him and pulled his cock out. After feeling up my ass, he was rock hard. I marveled at the thickness of his cock as I stroked it lightly with my fingertips. But seeing it only made me want it inside of me even more.
Pressed against the from railings in the front row with a sea of people behind me, I was only barely able to fight off the impulse to drop to my knees and blow him in front of everyone.
I pressed my chest up against his and yelled in his ear, "If you put it in my ass, I'm going to kill you."
"Haha, You told me you love anal, though."
This is true, I do have a love/hate relationship with anal sex.
We're all adults here, right? Ladies, we've all worn butt plugs before, or at least tried them. So in the interest of full transparency, I don't mind admitting that, under the right condition, I go fucking crazy for anal sex.
Getting fucked on a guard rail in front of the main stage at Lost Lands was definitely not the right circumstances. (I was more embarrassed that the DJ - whom I cant even remember now - would see me and less worried what a thousand strangers would think) Plus, I don't remember ever telling him about my love for anal sex. Apparently that's how wasted I was.
Instead, of explaining all of that to him, i decided it would just be easier of I told him, "My asshole has teeth."
If you've never seen the look on someone have a of shifts from the arousal of someone who thinks their about to get laid, to the total shock and horror of someone who does not want to have their dick bitten off, it is a hilarious image that will stay with me always.
When i turned back around, Little Foot tries for way long too to covertly locate my vagina. Not only is he over a foot taller than I am, neither of us are sober, it's dark out, and we are trying to be discreet about it.
His clumsy attempts at penetration go on for so long that I'm beginning to think he is just teasing me. Also, it soon becomes very apparent what we're trying to do.
"Is this your first time?" I asked him.
"Shut up."
"Statistically, you should have found it by now."
"I'm working on it!"
"Look, if you don't find me attractive just tell me that so I can go fuck someone else."
"THAT'S IT!"
Little Foot puts both hands around my waist and physically LIFTS ME UP INTO THE AIR before basically impaling me on his dick, then sets me back down. Only, like I said, he is way taller than I am, so my feet don't quite touch the ground.
So much for being discreet...
I have to stand on my tippy toes while he holds me up just so his dick doesn't fall out of me. It was uncomfortable and awkward and more annoying than it was sexy. Not to mention the kids around us were either staring like creeps or nervously giggling like children.
This went on for a while. Like way longer than I should have let it drag on. In my head, I had this really romantic idea of making love on the rail as he held me. But the reality couldn't be further from that.
Eventually, I had enough. I pulled down my skirt, spun around and shouted at him,
"Just take me back to your tent and fucking ravage me like a caveman!"
He looked surprised, disappointed, and excited all at once.
The next thing I know, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder, like a caveman carrying his spoils from a hunt.
I have never seen anyone move through a crowd as fast as he did that day. Granted, I could only see behind him and my ass was probably on display for all to see. But he moved through the crowd like a man with a purpose, and for some reason, that was really hot to me.
With him carrying me slung over his shoulder like a sack of flour, the two of us were attracting a lot of attention. At first, I remember kicking, giggling, and trying to keep my skirt from exposing my ass until we made it through the dense collections of people. But it was a long walk to the camping area and I got bored riding shotgun to his biceps.
When people would stare at us as we went by them, I'd yell shit like, "Help! I'm being kidnapped!", "I told him the princess is in another castle but he won't listen!", "The Vikings have landed on the shore and they're stealing our women!", "can you give us directions to the nearest cuddle puddle?" or "Wait, this isn't my Uber!"
I also think I told someone that LF won me as a prize playing in a Ring Toss and I was really a sex doll with built-in AI.
He thought that last one was hilarious, but at a Lucidity, no one will bat an eye when they see a man carrying off a girl with her ass hanging out.
We get to his tent, which conveniently enough is right next to mine. He sets me down and I say, "You carried me for so long, I think the muscles legs must have atrophied. Can I lie down for a bit inside your tent?"
I know, I should do a TED Talk on the art of seduction, right? (Wait, are those still a thing?)
I had never been inside his tent until that moment and I was definitely surpassed at how nice it was. Well-organized, clean, had a large air mattress (with the bed made!), collapsible nightstand, and he had air fresheners!
By comparison, my camp might start out neat and organized, but by day 3, the people who live on Skid Row would be shaking their heads at me and asking if I was alright.
Even rolling, I can still recall that conversation pretty well, though I still refuse to admit that just because I can remember every word that we said to each other, his picturesque tent, the way the moonlight bounced off his sculpted abs, or the way I felt when he held me means absolutely nothing. He was just another festival hookup nightmare, and he probably won't be the last.
"Someone comes prepared," I said, and started immediately going through his things.
"I was a boy scout." He said calmly, crossing his arms by the entrance to his tent.
Another thing I liked about his tent, I didn't have to crouch down like Quasimodo every time I moved around. Guys, if you want to get laid at a music festival, do not bring a fucking 2 person tent.
"That checks out. If I didn't know any better, I would say that you came prepared for this exact situation."
"There is nothing wrong with being comfortable. And you're not going to find any zip ties, duct tape, or ruphies in that bag. I don't need to. Because I keep all of those on me at all times."
Damn. He knew exactly what I was looking for. Though, admittedly, I was relieved to find out his tent want a complete way zone.
Plus, the absence of red flag items & sadist paraphernalia meant that my brain could relax and give my vagina the green light.
"Well, I guess you'll have to do a strip search for me."
"You want me to strip search myself? Nuh-uh. Doesn't work like that. You've got to personally conduct the strip search yourself."
"Then get over here so I can conduct my search my hand. But in warning you now - I am very thorough... And for fuck's sake, zip up your tent flap already!"
It made me laugh when he genuinel though I was talking about his pants zipper and not the entrance to his tent that was left wide open.
After he carried me across the entire fucking festival slung over his back a tiger pelt, I had a lot of fun over the next few minutes as I baked orders at him while taking off his clothes. It made me feel like a lecherous, corrupt warden of a mismanaged federal prison, which for some reason excited me.
"There, now. You can plainly see I'm not hiding anything from you." He said, spinning around slowly, butt naked, with his hands raised.
Wait. Did he get... more shredded during the festival?
"It's common courtesy that you let me strip-search you now. I mean, how do I know that you're planning on slipping me something so you can take advantage of my innocence?"
I coughed a laugh. "And where would I even stash something like that? In my ass? I've got no pockets!"
I lifted my skirt up to show him that it, in fact, did not have pockets, other than the moist and fleshy variety.
"See?"
"Well, you are always going on about how you don't want me putting anything in your butt. It's extremely sus. Like, how do I know you're not hiding something in there? You know, it would make me feel a lot better if you'd let me to a full body cavity search."
"I bet it would!"
"So, does that mean you consent, or...?"
I could believe this guy. He was actually starting to get me flustered.
"You still need to strip search me." I offered.
By comparison to my strip search where I yelled at him like he was my redheaded step-child, him undressing me was a lot more gentle and intimate.
He would press his entire massive body up against mine as he removed each article of clothing, which was a total of two items: my top and skirt.
He was so very gentle with me the entire time, delicately moving my arms up or down as if he would break me if he got a little rough with me. Then, just when I was beginning to think this might have been a waste of time, out of nowhere, he asks,
"Is that offer to fucking ravage you like a caveman still on the table?
"Oh, please, buttercup. You couldn't ravage your way out of a paper bag."
"I'm not hearing a 'yes'."
I glared at him, which didn't have the same effect it usually does on people when I'm wearing clothes.
"Yeah, okay. Go ahead, give it your best shot. But I'll bet that-"
Before I could even finish that thought, he threw me down onto his air mattress and gave me a thorough ravaging with a side of crow.
Sometimes, all the flirting, foreplay, witty banter, and all the pretext leading up to a hookup can be a lot more fun than the actual sex itself.
But this was not one of those times.
I think the next thing I said to him after that must have been, "Whoa."
"Good?" He asked.
"Good." I replied.
We were both out of breath and pretty sweaty.
Then LF gets out of bed and sets up this really nice, big fan to blow cool air directly at us.
"What the fuck? Where was that an hour ago?" I am a little incredulous.
"Didn't want to mess up my flow."
I didn't have a comeback for that one because the sex was enjoyable, after all.
Just as I started thinking about ways I could politely leave, he get's back in bed with me and starts kissing on my neck. Then he asks,
"So, can I fuck you in the ass now, or what?"
"Excuse me?!?!"
"You said you only do anal under the right conditions. Well, I typically only fuck girls in the ass because I don't want to get them pregnant."
"Oh, so you came inside of me all those times as a favor to me. I get it now."
"No, but I am trusting you when you say you're on the pill, and that takes a lot for a guy like me. Just let me fuck you in the ass a little and if you don't like it, I'll stop."
"I don't know..." I really just wanted to go back to the stage and dance.
"Come on, I didn't take you for the prudish, conservative type."
I don't know why, but I jammed my index finger in the center of his rock solid chest and screamed,
"No one questions my reputation as a slut and gets away with it!"
I already got my orgasms in. What else could he do for me that we haven't already done? The sex was mediocre, and I fully planned on ghosting this guy after the festival, so I had no reason to stay, right?
Wrong again.
Then I hopped up on the air mattress on my hands and knees and backed my ass up so close to his face that he could probably see what I ate for breakfast that day.
One thing I liked about Little Foot was that he was full of surprises. Just when I thought I had him figured out, he would do something completely shocking and unexpected.
Pleasant Surprise #1 came when I gave him the Downward Dog, I didn't expect him to go full Human Centipede on my ass. Def was not expecting him to escalate that quickly or with as much tongue as he did.
The sudden warm wetness of tongue wiggling around deep in my ass literally knocked the breath out of me. It took me a few seconds to come to my senses, but by then he had both hands wrapped around my bottom and was devouring my booty like a buffet.
"Geez! Buy a girl a dinner first, why don't ya?!"
Pleasant Surprise #2: He slapped my ass cheek so fucking hard that I almost flew off the air mat. I'm pretty sure the only reason I didn't was because his tongue connected the two of us like Legos.
He told me, "Shut the fuck up!" In a sexy, dominant kind of way that was really doing it for me.
He hopped up on his knees behind me, and I suddenly remembered, "Wait! Use lube!"
"Don't need it"
"I DO!!!"
Pleasant Surprise #3: I am proved wrong once again.
The moment he started fucking me in the ass, Little Foot became a completely different person.
Its like, up until that moment, I'd been fucking with Bruce Banner. But as soon as there is an asshole wrapped around his dick, he suddenly transforms into a very dominant Incredible Hulk.
Or to use another analogy, Little Foot suddenly became Reptar.
As much as I love retelling this story, (and trust, my girlfriends are so sick of hearing me tell this story) and as often as I replay the memories of this night back when I'm in the shower, I really don't think there is a point in me describing exactly what happened after that.
Even though part of me really wanted to go back to the festival and dance, it turns out Little Foot actually did know how to show a lady a good time. He just needed the right motivation to bring out his confidence and take charge.
If you're wondering how my night went... Well, the two of us didn't leave his tent again until the following afternoon. I missed seeing a lot of good sets that I wanted to see, but I have no regrets.
If you're wondering what happened to Little Foot (and where you can find him, ladies) I have no clue because I followed through with my plan to ghost him as soon as the festival was over (Hooray for adulting! 🥳).
I feel like I should be fully transparent here and add that I've gotten VERY close to awkwardly booty calling him on more than one occasion (all of them thirsty).
But writing about this Festival Hookup Nightmare finally gave me the closure I needed to delete his contact info. See? I DO have discipline!
I realize now that there will never be a way to re-create all those perfect little memories that each of us thing are special for different reasons. They exist in a previous and short-lived bubble of time, which is why I believe it's so important to live every moment to the fullest and make memories doing something you love, so when you're all wrinkly, old, and need to start replacing your original human parts with robot parts, you can at least look back at how your spent your life and be like...
"Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta."
